Nana's Story

My Nana discusses her difficult life, including growing up in Austria during Nazi rule, losing her mother to cancer, losing the rest of her family to concentration camps, lucking out and escaping the Holocaust to live with an English family, and eventually coming to New York.

It's a story I had heard in bits and pieces growing up but not really in detail like this.

Feel free to leave comments on the YouTube page and I'll share them with her.

My iPod Thinks It's 1969

I don't really understand how this can be an option.

My iPod's battery apparently died a few weeks ago so I had to bring it back. It starts up and think it's about to turn 1970. (I wish it could have gone two and a half months sooner if it wanted to go to 1969.)

While this is an older generation iPod Touch, I feel like it should have known it's more advanced than the iPods (or whatever app/Internet device they used back then) of 1969.

Virtual Christmas Card

(Click video for HD.)

Are you seriously serious, Facebook?

134 friends wished me a happy birthday on Facebook yesterday. And because I’m old school, I don’t like to respond via comment but I like to go “wall-to-wall.” That means 134 thank-yous is on the agenda for today.

I think it was my 22nd post on a friend’s wall that caused Facebook to think I was a robot. And I apparently confirmed it for them because this captcha got me.

Upgraded to Courtside

I went to my third Hofstra Men's Basketball game in three days as part of the 2K Classic yesterday. If you tweet your seat location using the hashtag #WeAreHofstra, you have a chance at being upgraded to courtside seats.

You can probably guess what happened next because I'm not writing a post about not winning (also, you might've read this post's title)... That's right, I won, and got to bring my friends Mat and Joe down with me.

As soon as the cheerleaders (it's possible they were part of the dance team instead) who escorted us to our cushioned seats on the shiny floor walked away, a woman who works there came over to me and asked if we had the tickets for those seats. Really Hofstra??

Anyway, it was pretty awesome even if it did take some time adjusting to the new view and increased possibility of bodily harm.  At one point, one of the Marshall players went flying into seat maybe two or three down from Joe...  If a person had been there, there would have been an injury.

Here are some highlights, most of which was shot without any zoom.

Hurricane Sandy Video Journal

When Hurricane Sandy was on her way two weeks ago, I decided to shoot some video of the storm and revive my childhood hobby of playing reporter (but it's obvious here why I'll never be one). I know other people saw so much more and suffered (and are still suffering) much worse but this is the storm from my eyes on Long Island. The long blackout, the downed trees, the gas lines, the snow storm a week later... It's all here.

I miss you, Grandma

It's been a week since Grandma left us already and I still can't believe it.

Grandma went to the hospital in late July after suffering what was determined to have been a hemorrhagic stroke.  That was after spending Fourth of July Week up at the lake with the family.  That was after she went down to North Carolina to visit the rest of the family for the first birthday of her first great grandchild, Rowen.  Both adventures were great for her.

They finally moved Grandma to a rehab facility but it didn't go so well.  The place didn't seem to be interested in making her stronger and instead left her in bed too often.  Our family revolted and Uncle Eric "broke her out" and brought her home to be with Grandpa.  Rehab specialists and other helpers were set up to take care of her, as well as the constant presence of family.

We had been told by doctors at the hospital that Grandma would no longer have use of the left side of her body.  As you can imagine, that was very tough to hear.  Grandma already had trouble getting around, using a walker to get around the house or a wheelchair for when we were taking her for longer distances.  But then something amazing happened.  She was able to move her left hand a little bit.  By the time we brought her home, she was slowly gaining more mobility with her left arm and leg.  When I visited her, I worked with her on her left arm, raising it up and down with her and having her try to pull back as I tried to pull toward me.  She was originally very depressed but I saw her spirits, as well as her progress, get higher with each visit.  She went from not thinking it was worth it to try to get stronger to being proud to show me how much higher she could lift her arm and how much harder she could pull me.  I loved seeing this and selfishly thought of getting Grandma's arm strength back as my project (even though the whole family was involved).

Very early Friday, September 28th, Uncle Eric took Grandma to the hospital again, this time because she was throwing up blood.  We thought it was so serious that Uncle Eric canceled our planned trip up to Brant Lake for the weekend.  But things got better during the day and, because other family from up north (Aunt Peggy and Aunt Ellen) and down south (Aunt Ginny) came to watch her, he decided to go upstate anyway.  My dad also went away for the weekend with my mom and her mother (Nana).

I visited Grandma in the hospital with my dad that Monday and again that Wednesday.  One of the nurses told my dad and me that they thought the bleeding in the small intestine had stopped and that she could go home as soon as Thursday.  We were used to such hospital deadlines being delayed and delayed but this sounded like great news.  I held Grandma's hand and talked about everything that was going on and tried to crack some jokes.  I was getting excited for the next evening's first presidential debate and she said she had no interest.  I told her that the Mets were playing their last game that afternoon and that I wouldn't have to watch them lose any more this year.  She offered me her green Jell-O (but I didn't take it because I was full).  I told her to keep working with her left arm so that we didn't have to start all over again when she got back home.  Then she suggested that my dad and I head out because she was tired so we did just that.  I had no idea that that would be the last time I'd see Grandma awake and be able to talk with her.

Thursday my dad visited her by himself.  He said it was not a good day for her and she seemed kind of out of it.  And the bleeding was still happening so she clearly wasn't going home just yet.  That was upsetting to hear but we were used to setbacks and this just seemed like another but I didn't think much else of it.

Friday I went to the city because my friend Cody from Brant Lake was spending the long Columbus Day Weekend with me.  On the train home from the city, I saw some a couple of Facebook statuses from my aunt and cousin asking for prayers for Grandma and that they were coming back to Long Island from North Carolina.  I wondered what that was about and what changed.  I worried.  When I got home, my dad said to me that Grandma was not doing well and then he struggled to whisper, "I think the end might be near."  That was horrible to hear but I started to think about how much she had fought through recently and I didn't understand why this had to be any different.  Hopeful denial, I guess, but I really did believe it.

Cody's visit kept me distracted for the most part, but word that Grandma's kidneys were failing and they moved her from the ICU, where she had been for over a week, to "comfort care," was very upsetting. I did go with my mom and dad to the hospital Sunday morning and that was the first time I cried out loud.  In the hallway right before we entered the room.  Some of our family was there as they were taking turns being by Grandma's side 24/7.  Grandma's eyes never opened and my throat had a constant knot (for lack of a better word) in it as I was on the verge of crying at any second (and I did).  We didn't stay very long then but I kissed Grandma on the way in and out and whispered (because my voice was not strong enough for anything louder) that I loved her.  Then we went to see some of my cousins at Uncle Eric's house.  I love being with my family but this felt very different.  And then I saw Grandpa and we both cried as he told me, "Soon she won't be in any more pain."

But I still had a visitor to entertain.  Sunday night, Cody and I went to see "Stomp" in the city.  It was a great show and it felt very good to burst out in laughter with a friend and other strangers.  Then we went back to the city Monday afternoon to walk around a little more before he caught his bus back home.

When I got home Monday evening, my dad told me in a text that he was visiting Grandma and the family at a hospice, where they had just moved her.  I got really upset, maybe even a little angry.  I had been praying every night for Grandma to leave the hospital -- certainly hospice wasn't what I had in mind.  I also had trouble accepting that the doctors had given up.  I hadn't.  I was still praying.  Plus, I had heard that my cousin Melanie and her son Rowen had visited.  Grandma was apparently wiggling her toes for Rowen to play with as the family gathered to "celebrate" Uncle Eric's 50th birthday.  How can that story not bring you hope despite all the other signs?

I went with my dad to the hospice Tuesday afternoon.  I didn't say much -- I couldn't or else I'd cry.  I think we were there for nearly four hours.  I held Grandma's left hand the whole time.  Even though she never opened her eyes when I was there, I felt her squeeze my hand a few times.  She knew I was there and we were told that she could still hear so I tried to keep my crying to a minimum.  But then Aunt Ellen said to me that she was glad that I had gotten Grandma to the beach over the summer.  That did it.  I broke down.  Aunt Ellen apologized.  No no, no reason to apologize.  It's a great memory.  As I said, Grandma had trouble getting around and it was especially tough up at Brant Lake because of the steps to get down to the ground outside.  But I had done it a few times when I was alone with Grandma and Grandpa two years earlier (down to the beach, to Suzie Q's for dinner, into town for the first ever Horicon Day, and to a big 41-person dinner at the Howards' in our community).  I decided I was going to do it again.  So, on July 5th, with everyone down by the beach, I went back up to the house with my dad.  Everyone told me it wasn't worth trying, that there was no way Grandma would even consider coming down.  When I got there, Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their chairs on the deck.  "What did you forget?" Grandma asked me.  I pointed to her and smiled as I walked closer.  "Ohhh no," she said.  Ohhh yes.  I asked her if she could come to the beach.  She said no.  We went back and forth and I think she turned me down three or four times before she suddenly said, "Fine."  I was shocked and said, "What?"  Getting Grandma to agree to go was the hardest part but it wasn't over yet.  We still had to get her there.  My dad and I helped her down the stairs and then we carried her in her walker (it was tough because of the way all of our cars were parked) to I think my parents' car and my dad drove her to the beach.  While he did that, I walked Grandpa over.  And it was great.  We even got someone to take a great family picture of us with Grandma smiling like I'd never seen her smile before.  We were going to do our third annual Christmas in July later on by the fire but decided to do it right there with Grandma.  It was a blast.  Aunt Ellen bought silly Christmas hats and I made Grandma and Grandpa wear some of the silliest.  We got her out again that Saturday to watch the fireworks by the little house Aunt Ellen had rented right on the beach.  It must have been the first time in a very long time that Grandma had been able to watch the fireworks.

I wanted to spend most of the day Wednesday with Grandma and the family at the hospice.  There was nothing to do at home anyway and I just wanted to be there.  But my dad had arranged for both of our cars to be inspected and that dragged on.  They weren't finished until sometime after 3:00.  We headed over as soon as we could.  I texted Aunt Peggy at 3:18 and asked if anyone needed anything.  She responded two minutes later: "We're fine.  See you soon."  On the way over, the clouds looked pretty with the sun after the last few days of rain.  I saw rays of light shining through the clouds.  Then I had a feeling like I had never felt before.  I felt that the clouds meant something but I couldn't even speak with the voice inside my head what it meant.  But I just had a feeling.  I got out out my phone and took a picture of the sky.  I needed it to be saved.

We got to the hospice shortly before 4:00.  As we walked toward the entrance, we could see Uncle Eric and Aunt Peggy standing outside.  Perhaps they just wanted some fresh air after being stuck inside all day?  Or maybe they were just waiting for us because they knew we were on the way.  Aunt Peggy shook her head no and said, "Mom passed away about 20 minutes ago."  I didn't know how to react.  I didn't even cry.  It didn't make sense to me even though I had felt it a few minutes earlier.  I hugged Uncle Eric and my dad hugged Aunt Peggy.  Then I hugged Aunt Peggy.  Then I hugged my dad and we both cried a lot.  We eventually walked inside and I hugged and cried with Aunt Ellen and Aunt Ginny in Grandma's room.  And there was Grandma on her bed, no longer in any pain.  So many thoughts went through my head.  So many memories.  So much sadness.  I eventually thought to show everyone the picture on my phone and tell them what I felt when I took it.  I looked at the time on the file:  3:34.  Aunt Peggy said when she had looked at the clock, it said 3:33.

After about an hour or so in the room, we left and headed to Uncle Eric's and Grandpa's (they live right behind each other).  Uncle Eric wanted to get there first so that he could talk to Grandpa.  Once he did, he said we could walk over and visit.  We hugged and cried.  "I lost my half," Grandpa managed to get out.

Over the course of the next few days, I saw my family a lot.  It felt really good to be with them.  I couldn't imagine being with anyone else.  We had everyone over Saturday afternoon for what was supposed to be Uncle Eric's surprise 50th birthday party.  We had been planning it for months.  Grandma was supposed to be with us.  We still had a good time.  That night, I went with Uncle Eric and my cousins Gretchen, Kristen, Greg and Matt to see The Electric Dudes at Whoville.  Sunday morning, we had a memorial service at the cemetery.  Gretchen, Kristen and my sister Jaclyn took Grandpa pumpkin picking.  He was reluctant to go out but I think he was glad he did.  I know we sure had a good time with him.  Then Monday morning was the funeral at the cemetery.  Aunt Peggy presided and included the picture I had taken.  It was so difficult.  There's something so beautiful and calming about a cemetery, especially a military cemetery (where my dad's dad was buried).  We decided not to say goodbye to each other at the cemetery so we ended up going to a diner for lunch after.  We're still a family and we still like to eat.  It was good.

I think what upsets me so much about Grandma being gone is that I feel like there was unfinished business.  I wanted to see her get back her strength in that left arm that they said she would never be able to use again.  We were getting there but there was more to do.

Grandma gave me my family.  We're so close and strong.  I'm biased, sure, but I do have the best family.

But who's going to eat the marshmallows I accidentally burn when making s'mores at Brant Lake?

Goodbye, Grandma

Something told me to take a picture of this heavenly scene in the sky on the way to visit Grandma at the hospice at 3:34 this afternoon. After days of rain, the skies finally opened up and the sun made its appearance.

When my dad and I arrived, we found out that Grandma had already left us. The clock said 3:33 when she was finally at peace.

I have an amazingly strong family and I know we will help each other get through this.

I miss you, Grandma. We'll take care of Grandpa just as he took care of you, don't worry about that.

I blogged this on 9/10/2003

Tomorrow is the second anniversary of the 9/11 attacks...

I remember being in third period, Mr. Ahlsen's Chemistry class in room 203. It was a few minutes before 9:40 when Mr. Touretz announced that a "national tragedy" had taken place that morning. Everyone in my class immediately became quiet. Then he said what had happened, that two airplanes had hit the twin towers. I don't think he initially used the word "terrorism" or "terrorists," so I couldn't put two and two together and realize that it was intentional. He said that third period would be extended through fourth, and students were to remain in their classrooms unless they wanted to attempt to contact their family members. After Mr. Ahlsen said something (which included the word "terrorism"), I started shaking as if I was freezing, yet I was not cold at all.

Mr. Ahlsen took the class into the small room in between his and Dr. Hazan's, and there we all crowded in to listen to the radio which was tuned to WCBS 880-AM. I believe it was just as their top-of-the-hour tone sounded when one of the anchors said that one of the towers had just crumbled. It was so surprising because no one was expecting that one of the major symbols of New York could come down like that. She then said that 50,000 people worked in the Twin Towers, and I started to think about all of the people who were trapped inside, still shaking.

At 10:30, it was time to move to fifth period, which was lunch for me. As I made my way through the halls, I was stunned to see the students standing right outside the guidance office crying and hugging each other. This was the first time I cried, not only for the sadness that everyone was feeling, but also because I was joyed at seeing everyone coming together in such a way that I would have never expected.

In lunch, I felt sick not knowing what was going on. There was no radio to listen to and no TV to watch. For 45 minutes, I was uninformed, and that made me even more scared.

Sixth period was Computer Programming. That's when I found out that the second tower had collapsed just as I was leaving the Chemistry lab. Mrs. Phillips had us continue to work on our projects, and I actually felt better being in that classroom. Somehow, the usually stressful task of making computer programs made me feel relieved.

Seventh period was Global Education, and Mr. Baierlein had the radio (880 again) on. I think he did a good job at explaining everything to us and trying to calm everyone down. He did, however, make one huge mistake: He said that he wanted to end the rumors that the Twin Towers had been attacked because it was really two other buildings in the World Trade Center complex. This made me confused for the next few hours. (The next day, he apologized for this error, saying that he was uninformed and couldn't believe that the actual Twin Towers had fallen.)

Then came English, and I remember Mrs. May trying to make some kind of a statement on the day's tragedies, but she didn't really make sense. She kind of laughed it off, which bothered me a lot. And finally, I had Math ninth period. I don't remember Mrs. O'Brien making any comment about what had happened. All she did was teach a normal lesson. (Apparently she taught right through Mr. Touretz's announcements that day.. Typical Mrs. O'Brien, but still stunning.)

That whole day during school, kids were leaving left and right. An announcement broke into class seemlingly every 5-10 minutes: "..Would you please send so-and-so to the main office for dismissal?" A good number of people were gone by the end of the day (I'm not good at estimating numbers of people, so I won't).

When I got home, I was happy to see my mom and my dad. Then I wanted to watch TV for the rest of the day because that is one of my hobbies. Being able to hear the information was somewhat calming for me, but I also heard a lot more and it made me mad. And for the first time, I saw the video of the 2nd plane hitting the tower. Then I saw them collapsing. Then they showed pictures from the streets of New York, looking more like a war zone in a third world country rather than one of the biggest cities in the world.

I remember my parents went out to play tennis later that evening to try to relax. So it was just my sister and me at home (along with our dog, Whitney). We heard one loud airplane outside in the sky, and it was very scary because the FAA had grounded essentially all airplanes in the country. We realized that it was probably a military jet or something like that. That night, I had trouble sleeping because I kept thinking about what had happened that day.

Dan Rather's open of the CBS Evening News at 6:30: "A stunning and cowardly strike on the United States. Terrorists send mighty skyscrapers crumbling to the ground. Many innocent people are dead. The President vows the killers will pay for this attack on America. (open) September 11th, 2001. You will remember this day as long as you live. Good evening again, this is CBS News continuing coverage of the Attack on America, a series of coordinated terrorist strikes today at this country, its people, our freedom. Strikes that came without warning. Four U.S. commercial jetliners were hijacked, two crashed into the World Trade Center here in New York City, and sent the giant Twin Towers, filled with workers, crumbling to the ground. A third hijacked airliner slammed into the seat of American military power, the Pentagon. The fourth hijacked airliner, target unknown, but possibly a target intended in or near Washington, went down in Southwestern Pennsylvania."

Last year, I remember the assembly we had at school to mark the first anniversary. It was so quiet in that North Gym as the selected students recounted how they felt that day. The only other sound that you could hear was that of crying. And yes, at more than one moment, I cried too. I was comforted when one girl gave me a hug after she saw me like that. And that giant American flag looked wonderful.

I'm glad that we won't be having another assembly tomorrow. As appropriate and well-done as I thought last year's was, I simply do not want to shed many tears in school again. I'm sure that Mr. Touretz will make at least one announcement at around 8:45am. That's when I expect a moment of silence to take place as it will be two years to the minute when the first plane struck the North Tower.

How will I be observing tomorrow? I don't think I'll be doing anything too special. I have three "flag shirts" and I will be wearing them for the last three days of this school week (I started today). I just took out my CBS News "What We Saw" book, and I plan on reading that tomorrow during my free time (in study hall). I also took out the DVD that was included and I watched some of that this afternoon. It is quite sickening to watch that footage once again, but I think it is necessary to do so at least once a year so that we can remember how we felt on 9/11/01. Unfortunately, TV networks and stations will probably refrain from airing this more than a few times tomorrow because it may anger some. I think it should be aired and it should get us angry. We can't let those terrorists win and we must bring justice to them. I don't feel safe with Osama bin Laden or any of his henchmen out there.

Here are two good websites to look back on 9/11:
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2001/trade.center/day.section.html
http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/september11/main500249.shtml

That's all for now...

I'll Never Forget

I'll never forget how beautiful that Tuesday morning in September was.

I'll never forget when the principal came on the loudspeaker at around 9:40. It was the second week of school everyone was still trying to get back into the swing of things. I was in Mr. Ahlsen's tenth grade Chemistry class when Mr. Touretz announced that two planes had crashed into the World Trade Center in New York City. I can't remember for sure whether he said the word "terrorism." But I remember everyone being confused and shocked and sort of silent.

I'll never forget listening to WCBS 880 on the radio shortly after that announcement. At 9:59, the anchor reported that the South Tower had just collapsed. We all just looked at each other. I was eager to find out how it was being covered on TV, being the news junkie that I was (and still am).

I'll never forget seeing dozens of students crying outside the guidance and main offices. The change of periods had been delayed but then they tried to have the school resume with the usual schedule. This was the day before most students had cell phones and so they were lining up to get in touch with their family. Some would eventually learn that their parents were not coming home.

I'll never forget the constant announcements into classrooms asking for specific students to report to the main office to go home. Throughout the day, classes became emptier and emptier. Some teachers tried to go about their usual routine. Mr. Phillips still had us work on some computer programming. Mrs. O'Brien tried to teach a little.

I'll never forget the misinformation of that day. My global history teacher Mr. Baierlein tried to clear up some of the misinformation and announced that, yes, two buildings in the World Trade Center had collapsed but that it was NOT the Twin Towers. (He apologized to us the next day.) There were reports that the State Department had been car bombed and other planes were still up in the air. It seemed like the attacks would never end.

I'll never forget coming home off the bus and rushing to watch the news coverage. This was the first time I was seeing the plane crash, the buildings crumbling, the people running away from the dust cloud, the new skyline and the damage at the Pentagon and Shanksville, PA. It was one thing to hear about it but it was so much more disturbing to actually see it.

I'll never forget being home with my sister that evening while my parents were out playing tennis. We heard planes overhead and that was scary considering that all commercial flights had been grounded. We quickly realized that they were fighter jets, which was both comforting and unnerving at the same time.

I'll never forget how annoyed I was with the way the middle school handled the day. My sister said they made an announcement telling all teachers to lock their doors and windows but said nothing more for a little while. That's what you say when there's a person running around the building with a gun. What a way to create panic.

I'll never forget watching the CBS Evening News with my sister and seeing close-up video of a person jumping out of one of the Twin Towers. We had heard about how people had jumped that morning but that was the first (and last) time I actually saw it.

I'll never forget the photos at Ground Zero of missing loved ones.

I'll never forget how no survivors were found after the first few hours. Later that week, Mr. Touretz tried to announce some good news to the school: A survivor had been found at the World Trade Center site. It turned out not to be the case -- it was a rescuer who had fallen and needed to be rescued. It was not someone from the initial collapses.

I'll never forget how we could smell the smoke from the World Trade Center fires by that Friday, even all the way out here in Suffolk County. The local weather reports on the news included in what direction the wind was pushing that plume of smoke. The schools even had to cancel outdoor activities that day because of the poor air quality.

I'll never forget the rumors that more attacks were imminent. There was a widely reported story a few weekends after 9/11 that an attack on Boston was soon to happen. It seemed like we would never be free anymore.

I'll never forget how the number of those killed kept decreasing as duplicate records were merged, and how I hoped that it would go all the way down to zero.

I'll never forget the stories of heroism on United Airlines Flight 93 and Todd Beamer's "Let's roll."

I'll never forget the November 12th American Airlines Flight 587 crash in Queens and how it made us think the terrorists had struck again.

I'll never forget the many attempted attacks since and how lucky we've been that none of them have been successful.

I'll never forget the sacrifice of thousands of military members and their families that fight in the wars overseas to keep us safe at home.

I'll never forget.